You Have Everything I Dislike

Sometimes, the Third Master would suddenly suffer from an emotional illness, transforming into a middle-aged literary youth.

For example, there was a time when he was particularly fond of expressing his feelings through lyrics.

The key point is he wasn’t writing quotes for journal reviews or anything.
Whenever he was talking to you, he would, out of nowhere, solemnly read out lyrics! 

Can you imagine such a psychotic scene like that? This wasn’t even in a normal tone, no.
It was the tone used for broadcasting! And the full line!

Another example was during the postgraduate entrance examination.

I often can’t get up in the morning, and my alarm clock also fails to rouse me from my beloved bed.
So I asked the third master to call me in the morning, but sometimes the third master himself would oversleep.

Despite the fact that neither of us got up, I still chose to throw the pot at Third Master, “Why didn’t you wake me up in the morning? I told you to call me, so I can get up and memorize words.
Didn’t you agree to call me!”

The Third Master calmly told me, “The alarm didn’t go off.”

I was speechless.
“Get out of here……You think I’ll believe that?”

“Or it rang, and then I unconsciously pressed off.”

At the time of the postgraduate entrance examination, my temper was very violent, and I would fight every little thing within minutes. 

I yelled at the phone, “You just didn’t care at all about this matter.
Even if you didn’t call me, why couldn’t you have gotten up early to review? What time did you sleep? You’re in such a state that you don’t look like you’re studying for an exam! %*!#%!#￥…@…%￥Uum..”

The third master quietly listened to me starting from the regular bedwetting at the age of three, to getting up early and always talked about how harmful it is to not cherish time.
Finally, when I was gasping for breath, he said, “You want to quarrel with me? I’m not that boring.”

I exploded with a “poof”.

   

The Third Master would routinely go for a run in the evening, and I would always remind him to pay attention to safety. 

“Did you just finish running? Walk slowly on the way back, watch the car and the road.
Take care not to bump into anything.”

Then the third master told me seriously, “I’m not frail, let alone getting injured.”

At that time, I was tempted to go over to him and hammer him enough to suffer an injury.

Sometimes I would just casually ask, “Have you eaten? Where are you?”

Occasionally, the third master would sweep me up and say, “I’m eating fried chicken in People’s Square, and where are you?”

I don’t know where I am, maybe in heaven……

Of course, these were all trivial things, but I couldn’t stand it when he acted so freaked out over some very minor issues.

Once I cried to him, “Today, my roommate said I was fat, wuuu…”

Third Master: “No matter how beautiful the spring breeze is, it can never compare to your smile.
Those who have not seen you will not understand.”

I was squeezing the flesh on my stomach with a heavy heart, but when I heard him begin to read lyrics, I couldn’t help but explode, “You, enough!”

After he finished, I felt something was wrong. 

He seemed to be complimenting me just now? 

So I asked, “Wait a minute, what did you just say?”

Who knew that the third master had switched to the normal conversation channel, and in a worried voice said, “I said that if you don’t lose weight in the winter, you will be sad in the summer.”

Later, I let his knees know how many cute protrusions there were on the durian shell that we kept in our house.
Hehe…

   

Once, when the two of us were walking on the road, the third master almost tripped on a stone.
I couldn’t be any more indifferent to such a big movement, so I glanced at him, and as a result, this guy turned on his rebellion mode.

Third Master: “What was that look in your eyes just now! Why do you look at me like a dog!”

I was puzzled.
“Did I? I don’t know.
How do I look like a dog?”

Me: “How did I look at you just now?”

Third Master: “It’s the kind of look a dog would have!”

After falling into this unexplainable endless loop, I have to admit that sometimes, the Third Master’s stubbornness was like a street lamp.

  

When I was in college, the third master would pay special attention to all kinds of news about our school.
Whenever a tragedy happened on a street near our school, he knew more than me. 

One time, I didn’t know what news he was reading, but he repeatedly told me not to go out alone after 8 o’clock in the evening, not to wear skirts and shorts when going out, the phone must have more than 50% of battery, and he set his number on the speed dial…

After setting up various safety guidelines for me, he was still worried.
Then one day, he suddenly pretended to be a delivery boy and called me…

The third master said in a solemn tone that could scare children to tears, “Hey, hello.” 

I glanced at the screen.
His name was clearly displayed on the call screen, and I had no choice but to respond in the same solemn tone, “Hello….”

Then the Third Master began to perform, “You’ve got a courier.
Please come downstairs and pick it up.”

I did not react for a moment.
Dumbfounded, I said, “Ha? I didn’t buy anything.”

Third Master: “Maybe it’s from your boyfriend.
Can you please come downstairs and get it? I’m under the tree in front of the school gate.”

I thought it might be some kind of fun little game, so I kept my voice stable and told him, “But I don’t have a boyfriend.”

(I answered the phone in the dormitory at the time.
Within three seconds after this sentence, I received a blessing from my roommate, “Get out of here!”)

The Third Master was silent for a few seconds.
Then he went back to the first topic, “You’ve got a courier.
Please come downstairs and pick it up.”

I kept on playing with him while eating melon seeds, “Which courier are you from? Our school’s couriers are placed in the mailroom, right?”

Third Master: “I’m from the courier company ‘Under the Tree’.”

At that time, I really wanted to take the melon seed skin in my hand and throw it on his face through the phone.
Can you still act happily? Why don’t you give me a more normal name? ! 

Taking a deep breath, I rolled my eyes and told him, “I’ve never heard of this courier.” 

The third master said in an impatient tone, “It’s a new company.
Please go downstairs and pick it up.
I still have other packages to deliver.
I will leave in ten minutes.”

His imitation was exactly the same as the little brother who delivered the courier to us in the past.
I think the Oscars owe him a trophy!

Not wanting to play with him any longer, I replied, “All right, I’ll be right down.”

As a result, when hearing this, the third master suddenly began to get angry, “……! Why are you so defensive! Just going down like this! What if it’s a scam? The courier you’ve never heard of tells you to go to a strange place to pick it up.
That sounds suspicious!”

I was stunned for a while.
“I’m not kidding with you.
I knew it was fake as soon as I heard it.”

Third Master: “That’s ridiculous.
I acted so realistically.
How could you possibly know I was lying? I’m sure you must have just fallen for it! Think about it, what would you do if you really went out! X might get you killed first!”

I thought it would be pointless to explain it to him.
“It’s okay, I’m very safe, and I won’t have an accident.
Promise me, just like how Erkang promised Ziwei, stop watching strange news, okay?”

The Third Master totally refused to buy it and ignored my request, and asked me with his righteous remarks, “Although you are ugly, just in case, what if the bad guys are blind?!”

Me: “…”

At the end of the story, I quarreled with him, and the content of the quarrel was not about his paranoia, but… who did you just call ugly? Say it, who’s ugly? Who’s ugly?