Keyboard Immortal

“Big brother Zu, you should head in and look for my father first.
Tell him that you’re my friend.
I’ll join you once I’m done treating the patients here,” Ji Xiaoxi told Zu An apologetically while handling the crowd gathered before her.

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“Alright.” This was what Zu An intended too.
Otherwise, if Ji Xiaoxi were to ‘match testimonies’ with Divine Physician Ji, the lies that he had spun would be exposed right away.

As the crowd had already moved over to Ji Xiaoxi’s side, the previously flooded entrance of the Ji Residence suddenly looked incredibly empty.
Even the rocking chair placed at the entrance was empty too.
Clearly, Divine Physician Ji had already retired back into his residence.

Zu An reported the reason behind his visit, and a servant quickly led him in.
He was brought into a courtyard, where the servant gestured toward one of the rooms and said, “The old master is in there.
You may enter alone.”

Divine Physician Ji disallowed servants like them to enter the areas where he concocted medicine since they were important locations.
As for the threat of outsiders possibly harming Divine Physician Ji, that worry was for naught.
There was no one in Brightmoon City who would dare to mess around here.

Zu An pushed the door open and entered the room.
He heard crude laughter coming from within, and his expression turned a little odd.
After walking in a little more, he noticed that Divine Physician Ji was not concocting medicine but lying on a chair, browsing through a suspicious-looking book.
Most likely, it was that erotic book that someone had bribed him with earlier in the morning.

Seeing his perverted look and hearing the goosebump-inducing laughter, Zu An couldn’t help but wonder how this vulgar middle-aged man gave birth to someone as sweet as Ji Xiaoxi.

“Hm? You returned earlier than I thought.
Did you manage to gather all of the goubaos?” Divine Physician Ji’s eyes didn’t leave the book for even a moment, but he was still able to identify Zu An accurately.

“I didn’t bring any goubao with me,” Zu An replied.

“Tsk.
What are you doing here then? Scram scram scram, don’t interrupt me while I’m reading my book.” Divine Physician Ji shook his leg leisurely as he waved Zu An away impatiently.

Zu An took out a stack of banknotes and waved them around.
“While I don’t have any goubaos, I do have money with me.
You want it?”

“Heh, why should I decline money that’s delivered to my doorstep?” As swift as a hurricane, Divine Physician Ji stood up from his rocking chair and snatched the bank notes away from Zu An’s hands.
It was exactly 100 silver taels.
“You were a poor bloke earlier.
How did you manage to strike it rich all of a sudden? Hm? Why do these bank notes look oddly familiar…”

Zu An began sweating upon hearing those words.
Is this man so obsessed with money that he can even recognize his own money? Fearing that Divine Physician Ji would discover that he had obtained these banknotes from Ji Xiaoxi, he quickly changed the topic and said, “I’ve already paid you the consultation fee.
It’s your turn to treat me.”

Divine Physician Ji tucked the banknotes into his clothes before saying, “Alright then.
On the account that you have delivered money right into my hands, I’ll be gracious and help me take a look at it.
Take off your pants!”

“Ah?” Zu An was stunned.

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“Ah what ah? How am I going to check on your condition if you don’t take off your pants?” Divine Physician Ji shot Zu An a disdainful look.
It’s not as if you’re a babe.
Do you think that I’m that interested in looking at you?

“Weren’t you able to diagnose my condition just by taking a look at me earlier in the morning?” Zu An found it hard to accept the fact that he had to take off his pants before another guy.

“I could only tell that there’s a seal planted on your body.
If I don’t take a close look, how am I supposed to tell what kind of seal it is?” Divine Physician Ji grumbled.
“If you don’t want to take it off, so be it.”

“Fine fine, I’ll do it!” Zu An cried out tearfully.
His happiness was banking on this, so he could only put his pride aside for the time being.
Considering how this middle-aged man was looking at an erotic magazine happily earlier on, it should be safe to assume that he didn’t swing the other way.

“Oho, it looks quite delicate,” Divine Physician Ji remarked casually.

Black streaks flashed across Zu An’s face.
If not for the fact that I’m no match for you, I’d have surely pressed you down to the ground and pummeled you by now!

Divine Physician Ji returned back to his chair and said, “You need not worry.
It’s just that you have been struck by the Great Yinyang Pulse Severing Palm, which affected your development.
As long as the seal on your body is removed, you’ll revert back to normal.”

Zu An felt a surge of joy in his heart.
There’s still hope! He quickly pulled up his pants and asked, “What’s the Great Yinyang Pulse Severing Palm? How do I get rid of the seal?”

Divine Physician Ji replied, “Based on what I know, it’s a domineering sealing palm strike that has been passed down in the royal palace.
As long as you raise your cultivation to the Master stage, you’ll be able to tear through the seal with ease.”

Zu An nearly spurted blood.
In the end, he was still getting the same answer as before.
What the hell was he working so hard for then? “I know that too.
I wouldn’t have bothered consulting you if I could reach Master stage that easily.
Return me my money! It looks like your reputation as a divine physician is a mere exaggeration!”

“Heh.
There are only a few Masters in the world, so even if you luck out and reach that level, I reckon that you would already have one foot in the grave by then.
You wouldn’t be able to put that thing to use anymore,” Divine Physician Ji mocked gleefully.
“Forget it.
Seeing how pitiful you are… I do have another way to treat you.
However, it won’t be easy.”

“What way is it? No matter how hard it is, I’ll definitely do it!” Zu An nearly cried out of relief.
Just as he thought that he had reached a dead end, a new door suddenly opened right before him!

“Tsk.
Given your capabilities, what can you possibly do?” Divine Physician Ji sneered in disdain.
“Forget it, I’ll think of a way myself.
However, you have to do something for me first before I’ll save you.”

“What? But I already paid you the treatment fee!” Zu An exclaimed indignantly.

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“What treatment fee? It’s called consultation fee for a reason!” Divine Physician Ji glared at Zu An coldly.
“What I’m accepting now is the treatment fee! Have you never seen a physician before?”

Zu An finally understood why this middle-aged man had so many patients hollering at his doorstep every day.
However, he couldn’t bother too much about that right now.
He quickly continued asking, “What do you need me to do?”

“I don’t have any hobbies in my life except to collect the dudous of beautiful women…” Before Divine Physician Ji could finish his words, Zu An had already raised his middle finger in contempt.
“You’re such a repulsive man.”
(Dudou is the undergarment worn by women in the older era.)

“You don’t want to be treated anymore?” Divine Physician Ji sneered.

Zu An quickly changed his attitude and said, “Esteemed physician, please continue speaking.”

“That’s more like it.
If you can get the dudou of Cloudmidst Commandery’s Yu Yanluo…” Divine Physician Ji quickly shook his head upon speaking up to this point.
“Forget it, you probably have never stepped out of Brightmoon City before, so how could you possibly come into contact with that sort of legendary figure? Let’s see… The Chu clan’s matriarch, Qin Wanru, Brightmoon Academy’s teacher, Shang Liuyu, or Immortal Abode’s courtesan, Qiu Huolei… Well, if you can obtain any single one of their dudous, I’ll accept it as the treatment fee.”

Zu An’s eyes widened in horror.
He hadn’t heard of the latter two, but he did know Qin Wanru.
He gulped down a mouthful of saliva and said, “Aren’t you afraid of the Brightmoon Duke learning that you’re interested in his wife? He’ll pin you onto the floor and beat you up!”

“What does he count as? Do I look like I’ll be afraid of me?” Divine Physician Ji replied proudly.

“If you’re that formidable, why don’t you obtain their dudous yourself?” Zu An sneered.

Divine Physician Ji coughed a little before replying, “I’m, after all, a divine physician.
I need to uphold my reputation! How can I do something as underhanded as that? Listen well! This matter should only be known between you and me.
If anyone else were to find out about it, not only will I not admit to it, but I’ll make sure that the town learns about your ED!”

Zu An flew into a state of rage.
“Who are you saying has ED?”

Divine Physician Ji shot a glance at Zu An’s crotch and said, “Why don’t you try getting it up then?”

“Heh, it’s not like you’re some hot lady.
I must be out of my mind to get it up to you!” Zu An hollered in anger.

Divine Physician Ji wrapped his arm around Zu An’s shoulder and said, “Alright, stop being so stubborn.
Accomplish what I ask of you, and I’ll make sure you become a healthy man once more.”

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Zu An’s face flickered across many emotions for a moment, and in the end, he replied reluctantly, “Fine!”

For his own happiness, he could only go all out here!

Zu An didn’t know how he got out of the Ji Residence.
His mind was completely preoccupied with the hell-level mission he has just received that he even forgot to bid Ji Xiaoxi farewell.

He hadn’t heard of Shang Liuyu and Qin Huolei, but Qin Wanru… Gah…

Recalling the incident in the ancestral hall earlier in the day, he began cursing at Ji Dengtu’s horrible taste.
Qin Wanru was admittedly beautiful, but her temper was the worst.

On top of that, Qin Wanru was his mother-in-law.
If he were to be caught stealing her dudou, putting aside Chu Zhongtian, even Chu Chuyan would skin him alive!

Just imagining the terrifying sight was enough to make him instantly dispel such thoughts.

So, all that was left was Yu Yanluo.
It was a huge coincidence that he had saved her not too long ago.
That being said, if he were to knock on her door and ask for her undergarment, wouldn’t he be thrown out of her residence right away?

Damn it, that perverted old man! Why the hell did he come up with such dastardly terms?

Shortly after Zu An left, Ji Xiaoxi finally finished treating all of her patients and rushed back into the residence.
However, she realized that only her father was left, so she asked, “Where’s him?”

“Who?” Divine Physician Ji asked.

“Zu An.
He didn’t come in?” Ji Xiaoxi asked worriedly.

“Ah, that fellow.
I have already sent him off.” Divine Physician Ji eyed his daughter suspiciously.
“You know him?”

“Yeah, I met him on the road.
He helped me,” Ji Xiaoxi replied.

A furrow formed on Divine Physician Ji’s forehead as he said, “Stay away from him in the future.
There’s no such thing as a good man in the world.
I know just what kind of dirty thoughts that are running through his head.”

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Ji Xiaoxi’s face reddened.
“He isn’t like any other men.”

Divine Physician Ji chuckled at those words.
“Heh, he’s indeed different from other men.
I guess it’s fine too.
You have nothing to lose hanging out with him.”

From her father’s words, Ji Xiaoxi realized that Zu An had already been diagnosed.
She anxiously asked, “Can he be treated?”

“Of course! Who do you think your father is?” Divine Physician Ji said smugly as he stroked his beard.
“However, his condition is a little troublesome.
I’ll need to spend some time thinking over it.”

A smile blossomed on Ji Xiaoxi’s lips.
“Yes, I believe in father’s capabilities.
Ah, speaking of which, I managed to procure some Assrip Wolf goubaos.
Weren’t you looking for them for the medicine you’re planning to concoct?”

Divine Physician Ji was taken aback for a moment.
He quickly rushed forward to check on the goods, and he realized that there were indeed Assrip Wolf goubaos.
His face immediately turned livid.
“You went to the Wolf Valley? What if something happened to you? You shouldn’t put yourself at risk for something like this!”

He had given something to his daughter to repel wild beasts, but if she were to take the initiative to provoke and kill an Assrip Wolf, the rest of the pack wouldn’t just turn a blind eye to it.
She could have been in great danger due to that!

Ji Xiaoxi replied with a sweet smile, “Don’t worry, I didn’t hunt those Assrip Wolves.
I bought them from someone else.”

Divine Physician Ji heaved a sigh of relief.
Then, he asked curiously, “Who’s so capable as to be able to gather so many goubaos?”

“It’s big brother Zu An who came in earlier.
He didn’t tell you?” Ji Xiaoxi asked in confusion.

“You bought them from Zu An?” Divine Physician Ji swiftly sensed that something was very fishy here.
He hurriedly took out the notes he had just received as he asked, “How much did he sell them for?”

“A-around 12 silver taels each,” Ji Xiaoxi replied stutteringly.

“Goddamnit! That brat actually sold it to you at such a high price?” All of a sudden, Divine Physician Ji felt like the banknotes he was holding were laughing at him.
How did a hawk like him end up getting done in by a mere worm?!

“Actually, it isn’t that expensive.
This stuff can’t be easily bought in the market after all,” Ji Xiaoxi replied with a reddened face.
She was glad that she reported slightly a lower price, or else her father would surely hold a grudge against big brother Zu.

“How did I give birth to such a dumb lass!” Divine Physician Ji cried out as he returned back to his room.
Just seeing the naive look on his daughter ’s face was enough to exasperate him!