If I Can’t Be Your Wife

However, what caught her eye was not black hair, but brilliant blonde hair.

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[T/N: This precious prince.
Why are you only sixteen? You should be the ML (Still sus though)]

 

“Mother, I am late.”

 

“Peter, you, just now…”

 

“Sister-in-law seems to be very upset so I will send her home.”

 

He summoned a nearby maid and ordered for the table to be cleared quickly.
The maids who were far away were puzzled by the appearance of the Crown Prince, but soon started to move in harmony.
The Empress had a very angry face, but since she also seemed surprised, she sat on a soft sofa and took a deep breath.

 

“Sister-in-law, let’s go.”

 

Peter grabbed Kathleen’s arm and led her as she stood frozen.
As she followed him, she saw Isabella’s eyes twinkling at her.

 

She looked happy.
She couldn’t breathe at the sight of her sister looking satisfied.

 

“I’ll give you an Imperial carriage, so get on it and go straight to the Duke’s residence.”

[T/N: Girl you better take that carriage and run away now.]

 

Peter quickly said as they left the Empress’ Palace.

 

“I’ll take care of Mother.”

 

“Thank you, Your Highness.”

 

Kathleen was only able to open her mouth when they reached the carriage.

 

“About what happened earlier…”

 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain.
Everyone has their own circumstances.
I’m good at keeping secrets.”

 

Peter gently pushed the carriage door shut.
The words of the young boy, who was only half a head taller than her, were powerful.
Kathleen nodded her head, and held back her tears.

 

“I will visit you separately.”

 

With those words, Peter motioned for the carriage to start.

 

***

 

“Madame, I heard that the tea party ended early.
I was waiting in the carriage and then they told me that Madame already went back using an Imperial Carriage, so I… Oh!”

 

“Emily, where is Alsdorf?”

 

“The butler? By now he should be taking care of the landscaping in the garden.”

 

As soon as Kathleen returned to the Duke’s residence, she called Alsdorf without even thinking about what she was going to do.

 

“Madame, what’s the matter?”

 

The old butler Alsdorf rushed up to the drawing room with surprised eyes.
She had never called for him after returning from an outing without even changing her clothes.

 

“I have a question for you.”

 

She didn’t even think to take her lace gloves off which had become wet as the ice crystals had already melted.
She said in a trembling voice.

 

“I heard that the Duke repaired a castle in a local estate.
Is it true?”

 

“Madame, that’s.”

 

“I asked if it was true.”

 

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“…….Yes.
It is true.”

 

“There are countless castles in different territories that have not been inhabited in recent years.
Including that castle, is it also true that he had filled them with daily necessities even though he did not plan to stay there?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Although perplexed, Alsdorf answered all her questions in the affirmative.
Kathleen felt her head pounding and she felt frustrated.

 

“Was everything according to the Duke’s will?”

 

“Yes.
His Grace has ordered the repair or demolition of old castles and to build new ones.
He also ordered to fill them with food and clothing.”

 

“I want to see the ledgers.”

 

She wanted to deny it.

 

Could it have been done to show favor to the local people, not the mistresses?

 

Kathleen ordered Alsdorf to bring the books of the administration and finances outside the Duchy.
They were things that she never touched even though she had the right to look after she became Duchess.
Alexis said she could take care of them herself as the hostess if she wanted to, but she still found it difficult to directly manage the family.
Therefore, she opted to only be in charge of taking care of the Duke’s residence in the capital.

 

‘That’s why I didn’t know.’

 

After examining the books carefully, Kathleen smirked.

 

Every single word that the Empress uttered was correct.

 

The clothes that filled the provincial estates were not for commoners, nor were they kinds of clothing to wear for a little while in case of an emergency.

 

There were a variety of clothes, from daily wear to pajamas for every season.
They were all made of high-quality materials.
There were also several types of dresses that could be worn from simple parties to formal banquets.
Veils and silk scarves that could be called luxury goods were also sent.

 

Most of them were women’s clothes.
Though they were not of the highest quality, it was clear that a lot of thought was put into choosing them.

 

‘He never even gave me a present.’

 

Did his lieutenant give him advice?

 

Her husband didn’t even care about his own clothes and only wore uniforms according to Imperial etiquette.
Sadly, for a year, she secretly called a tailor to measure him and filled his dressing room with everything from trendy clothes to basic styles.

 

In addition to that, there wasn’t just one place filled with women’s clothes, but six castles full of them.

 

‘Does this mean that there are at least 6 mistresses?…’

 

Kathleen closed the thick ledger with trembling hands and set it down.
She wanted to catch Alsdorf and ask if Alexis had another woman, but she held it in.
As he was her husband’s faithful right hand, he would not tell the truth, and even if he did, he would only give her limited information.

 

Kathleen wanted to know the truth as it was.

 

Was the decision that he would not have an heir applied only to her?

 

Was that why he was so indifferent to her even though she was abused by the Empress and despised by other nobles?

 

Perhaps he just needed a good shield so that he wouldn’t get caught caring for a mistress.

 

“Madame, the Master is back.”

 

Emily came up and said, She was sitting down staring blankly into space, barely changing out of her clothes.
It was already after dark.
The sound of horseshoes treading on the gravel was faintly audible.

 

“Madame!”

 

She ran out without even putting on her slippers.
Emily hurriedly screamed from behind her, but she was busy looking for Alexis.

 

She never knew when her husband would leave again.
He didn’t even promise when he would come back….

 

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“Duke.”

 

She ran down the stairs towards him.
Alexis, who was wearing a red cloak, saw her as he walked up the stairs and furrowed his eyebrows.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

She was out of breath as if she was running.
Kathleen took a step back.
Her heart pounded as she wanted to spit the words that filled her throat as soon as possible.

 

“Are you going back right away?”

 

“Yes.
I was planning to wash up and go out again.”

 

“Wait.”

 

Her heart leaped forward.
Kathleen grabbed his arm.

 

“I have something to tell you.”

 

“Do it now.”

 

He reluctantly shook her hand.

 

“……I don’t want other people to listen.”

 

There were servants who looked at the ducal couple, who were acting differently from usual, with curious eyes.
Kathleen licked her lips and looked at him, pleading.

 

“Follow me.”

 

Alexis let out a brief sigh and brushed past her, heading to his own bedroom.
The sound of his footsteps walking down the red carpeted hallway made him seem exhausted.

 

Kathleen followed him barefoot.

 

“Aren’t there slippers in the Duchess’ bedroom?”

 

Alexis asked.
As soon as he entered the bedroom, he removed the cloak and threw it.
Only then did Kathleen realize her attire, and she felt ashamed.

 

Her bare feet aside, she was not properly dressed.
She normally wore an everyday dress until she went to sleep, but now she was not even wearing that.

 

“Wear it.”

 

Alexis handed over his slippers and sat down on a chair.
Kathleen hesitated but tucked her feet into his slippers.

 

“What did you want to talk about?”

 

She didn’t have the courage to sit across from him.
So Kathleen stood at the end of the huge bed and said,

 

“I heard that you are managing a new local estate.”

 

“What a strange story.
Didn’t you know that already?”

 

“Yes.
But I didn’t know that you were renovating the castles of the territories and filling them with things.”

 

“What are you trying to say?”

 

His tone became sharp.

 

“As a Lord, I just had to do what I was supposed to do, but are you saying that you’re not satisfied?”

 

“It’s not that I dislike it… I want to ask if the Duke is hiding anything.”

 

Her voice trembled, but Kathleen stood firm.

 

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“Rumors are circulating that the Duke has a mistress.”

 

“Ha.”

 

Alexis let out a laugh, she was unsure if he really found it funny or if he was being sarcastic.

 

“I was told that by Her Majesty the Empress, and later, when I looked at the ledger, it was clear that that was indeed the case.
It was unlike the Duke so I checked and checked the records of the clothes that were purchased and sent to each estate.”

 

“Kathleen.
Is your daily life so boring that you want to take control of the life of the Walten family?”

 

“No.
There is only one thing I want to know.”

 

Kathleen asked, clasping her trembling hands.

 

“Do you really have a mistress?”

 

“…..”

 

“Is that why you often leave the house?”

 

She wanted to look like she wasn’t affected, but she couldn’t hide it.
Kathleen looked into his eyes, hoping it wasn’t, tears fell.

 

“Answer me, Duke.”

 

“Whether I have another woman or not is not your business.”

 

But the words she heard were cold.

 

It felt like her heart was being ripped apart.

 

“Why, why shouldn’t I care? I’m your wife.”

 

“No, you are not my wife.”

 

Alexis corrected her words with a look of indifference.

 

“Kathleen Walten.
You are just the Duchess.”

 

At first glance, it seemed like the same thing, but it wasn’t.
At the clear division, Kathleen collapsed.

 

“How could you say such a thing… just tell me the truth.
Do you have another woman other than me in your heart? So, then, I.”

 

“What if I really had another woman?”

 

“Then… I…”

 

She choked and tears welled up.

 

“Are you going to ask for a divorce? No, you can’t.
Did you forget the deal for our marriage in the first place?”

 

“I don’t want a divorce.
I just want to know your thoughts.
Is that so wrong?”

 

“It’s strange.”

 

Alexis got up and walked over to Kathleen.
Then he grabbed her chin with his hand and lifted it up and checked her tears rolling down.

 

“In the first place, even if I have multiple mistresses, your role is to accept it silently.
But why are you acting like this? As if you are hurt.”

 

“…..”

 

“Do you love me?”

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Kathleen couldn’t deny his mocking words.
No, it was more accurate that she didn’t.

 

“Yes.”

 

Eventually, Kathleen confessed to him.

 

“I love you, Duke.
So I can’t stand it.
That you don’t expect anything from me.
Knowing that the Empress is persecuting me, but not paying attention.
Hugging another woman other than me…”

 

Alexis removed his hand with a hardened expression.
Kathleen said urgently.

 

“I don’t expect much from the Duke.
Just tell me the truth and that you won’t let go of my hand… just tell me that.”

 

“Is there any reason to do that?”

 

He asked in a distinctly cold manner.

 

“I told you not to ask for useless things.
Have you already forgotten? Why are you picking on things when you can stay comfortable if you only sit still?”

 

“Do you really think I will be comfortable if I stay still?”

 

As if he was about to turn away at any moment, Kathleen grabbed the hem of his sleeve and said earnestly.

 

“Even with the jewels and status, it was difficult to bear the feeling of being treated coldly.
Duke, if you only you look at me, I think I’ll be able to bear it, but you don’t…”

 

“That was the content of the original contract.
You want more than that.”

 

She knew it well too.

 

The fact that she wanted to go beyond the terms of the contract of their marriage.

 

But.

 

“Like calculating books, I couldn’t understand either.”

 

She knew she was being selfish, but Kathleen wanted to cling to him.

 

“I love you.
So, can’t you just treat me like everyone else, like a normal couple, just once?”

 

She humbled herself and pleaded with him.

 

“Just once.”

 

Alexis, with an extremely cold face, unbuttoned his uniform, as if he was suffocating.
He looked down at her and said.

 

“Is this what you want?”

 

He pushed Kathleen’s shoulder and knocked her down on the bed.
In an instant, the slippers slid off her feet and fell to the floor.
Her back touched the soft duvet.
He climbed on top of her.

 

The man’s golden eyes were absolutely beautiful.

 

“Say it.”

 

Her pride collapsed at his command-like words.
It was because she already knew what was going to come out of her mouth.

 

“Yes.”

 

Kathleen answered, crying.
After a moment of silence, his hand slid under the collar of her dress.

 

“Haa…….”

 

Kathleen’s exasperated breath leaked out, unable to hold back due to the stimulation.
His rough lips swallowed her breath mercilessly.