How to deal with irritation
January 19, 2022
I felt something on my cheek and woke up.
That ‘something’ didn’t speak at all, and my vision is blurry, but Nana should be the only one in the same bed with me.
I looked in the direction of the poke, and as expected, Nana was the one who poked me on the cheek.
“sorry… I woke you up.”
“Mmhmm…., it’s okay.”
I rubbed my eyes to clear my vision.
It’s cute to see her looking a bit guilty, even though she poked and urged me to wake me up.
“… I couldn’t sleep.”
Nana’s face was slightly downcast as she said this, and I started to understand what was going on.
I pulled Nana, who was laid down a little distance away from me, into my arms so we could feel each other body heat without saying anything.
Nana’s body jolted but then relaxed and let me hug her.
It was the same gesture Nana showed when she felt safe since she was a child.
Without talking, I rubbed Nana’s slumped back softly.
She had said she couldn’t sleep, but that was impossible.
Nana is a child who can sleep instantly if she wants to.
That’s why there must be some other reason why she took the trouble to wake me up.
Either something stream-related trouble happened, or something within that happened within the game…
Whatever the reason, it is rare for Nana to let me spoil her like this.
It’s not uncommon for her to rub up against me when I’m asleep, but that’s just like a habit that pets tend to have.
That’s why it was really rare for her to wake me up when I was asleep to show that she wanted my attention, as she was the one who usually took care of me.
“It’s warm here…”
Nana smiled happily while buried in my bosom, with her cheek slightly blushing.
It’s doesn’t actually matter if it hot or cold.
Nana always has a need for skinship, which is also one of her endearing, even if a bit weird, qualities.
But everyone will eventually miss someone else touches at some point.
The way she suddenly acted spoiled to me like this suggests that something had happened during today’s stream.
As I was pondering what had been bothering her, Nana suddenly spoke.
“……Rin-chan, I… got frustrated today.”
“There was a girl who was really hated me… It wasn’t my fault, and it shouldn’t have mattered, but in the end, I got annoyed… I don’t know… It was a strange feeling for me…”
As she opened and closed her hand, Nana looked at it as if she was looking at something strange.
“And what happened after?”
“I beat her up with my all.”
“But we’ve made up, you know.”
Nana smiled while saying such unforgiving words.
Well, even Nana regained her feeling after the previous event.
She is a child that rarely got irritated at all; that’s why even a little bit of it might have been a big shock for Nana.
But I felt a little sorry for the person who was crushed as a result.
“It’s not a good feeling….”
And even after I beat her, the feeling persists.”
That’s probably true.
There’s nothing worse than irritation that leaves you with negative emotions to linger in your mind afterward.
For example, when you lose a game and you throw the controller to lash out to the point that it breaks, what you feel after will make you want to sigh with regret; the feeling will be worse if the object you hurt is a sentient being.
I can only imagine this, but the person Nana says she crushed was probably too weak or too young to be considered an enemy.
From the story of how she came at her, I’d say it was probably a younger girl.
It must have been one-sided and traumatizingly violent because she said she was using her all to beat her.
I guess Nana wanted me to hear it because it was now bothering her.
“It’s okay, isn’t it?”
“Who doesn’t get annoyed when they’re being subjected to something unreasonable? It’s the normal reaction of a human being.
…My past self, too, always feels irritated after I do that.
I don’t think you should be so hard on yourself.”
I said this to clear the fog in Nana’s mind.
It reminded me of my dark history, of myself from a few years ago, when I was always irritated because I was lonely and couldn’t see Nana.
Back then, I was often bite everything that came in my way.
I gained a lot of fame back then, but I also lost a lot of friends.
Well, I don’t care what I lost except for Nana, but I feel ashamed just thinking back to that time when I thought I could just shut everything up with my strength.
Even I went through such a period, so I understand that dealing with negative emotions is difficult.
“As a streamer, it’s important to think about these things.
Many of Nana’s fans are attracted to your gaps, so they might be forgiving if you do something like that, but there will be a certain number of people who feel uncomfortable with that kind of behavior.”
“But you know what? There is also a segment of the population that doesn’t like it when something they like is being condemned when they do something they love.
That’s why Nana’s actions might have made some people feel relieved.”
Nana frowned as she listened to me.
“Nana, Your viewers may not be visible, but they are certainly human beings that exist beyond the screen.
It isn’t easy to be accepted by everyone because each has their own feelings, be it favorable or not.
I can tell you that it’s painful for your viewers to see Nana suffer.
People come to your stream to watch Nana, not to see your games, so Nana has to be enjoying herself above all else.”
“They’re there… to see me?”
“That’s right, if what you did today bother you, You’ll have to make sure not to do it again.
On the other hand, if it’s something you enjoy, you can do whatever you want.”
It’s impossible to be liked by everyone, especially since Nana is a niche streamer in many ways.
However, a streamer doesn’t need to be liked by everyone.
Especially for game streamers, their target audience is the viewers who share the same hobby, so they are not aiming to be liked by everyone.
“I think I’ve gotten off-topic.
Well, I don’t think it’s wrong for Nana to be frustrated.
It’s as long as you’re human, your emotions can take over… But if it’s something that’s bothering you, I hope you can avoid it in the future.”
“…Yes, I will.
Thank you, Rin-chan.”
I’m not sure if she’s relieved after hearing my words, but as soon as she said that, she started to doze off.
All I need to do now is to pat her head gently, and her eyelids will naturally close.
And after 30 seconds, Nana stopped moving.
It seemed that she has asleep in peace.
She has no sleep trouble after all.
She just didn’t want to sleep while feeling irritated.
And she worries about it until she can’t sleep, like a person going through puberty, ah, that’s right… Nana’s emotions are probably still on the level of a child’s.
Anger and sorrow, in particular, are just starting to develop like a normal human beings.
The more time passes, the more uncomfortable these emotions become, so I think it’s inevitable.
“You look so happy in your sleep.”
I chuckled at the cute little creature that woke me up while I slept and wondered what I should do with myself that had already woken up.
I wish I could at least pick up my phone, but Nana has firmly attached herself to me.
And looking at this cute face, I don’t think I want to disturb her.
“Good night, Nana.”
In the end, I couldn’t find anything to do, so I continued to watch my best friend’s sleeping face until I felt sleepy again.
Some things make you feel worse the later you get.
By the way, Rinne was the type of streamer who also did similar antics until a few years ago.
[The Silent Desk Slammer] is one of her second name.
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